Dating: Nigerian Versus Oyibo Men

Hey Bloggie,

When I was going off to college, my father’s parting words were “you are going to school and there are all kinds of boys and races. If you like, let them get you pregnant. You’ll come and meet me at home”... The matter of fact words of a Nigerian parent. At 18, that was very scary and funny at the same time. Still cracks me up till today. I’ll save it for my daughters and have their dad tell them J. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah right. What I got from that conversation was that he didn't mind what race I dated (well and also if I got prego not to come home)! What a huge relief! A lot of my friends grew up with their parents very strict about what countries, states and tribes to date/marry from. I had just been given free range (yes very much like the chicken).

Before that wonderful speech up there, I had only spoken to/dated Nigerian guys. With my new freedom, I entered into the world of Oyibo dating (cue opening gate sound). This took a lot of my friends by surprise and of course some blatantly disapproved but I send? Now I can safely say I've acquired dating knowledge, tips and expectations from both kinds of guys. Feel free to call me an international dater (seriously you can).

I am by no means an expert on men or races but I do find that African girls struggle with the idea of dating outside their race no matter how much they like the guys. Based on my experiences (however few), here are a few things I've noticed about dating both #Nigerian and #Oyibo men (not at the same time).

Nigerian Man

Advantages:

• You can have that raw Nigerian romance. You know the one where you don’t really have to watch what you say. You say what you feel and you feel what you say.There’s also a certain comfort that comes with this. Can’t really explain it, but it’s there.
• He takes care of business. He was most likely raised with the belief that a man takes care of his woman and the house and so will take care of you.
• Meeting his family and friends is almost certainly a guarantee of commitment.
• He might be from your state and thus understand your culture so there won’t be any need to explain it or run the risk that he’ll offend your family when he meets them. If not from your state, he might still have cultural awareness.
• You might both speak the same language or at least speak Pidgin English. He’ll understand some (or all) of the slang you use and the insults won’t be new to him (unfortunately).
• You usually don’t have to mind your accent. There are just some words that you have to use phonetics for Oyibo to understand. For example, you can say tief and baf when you mean thief and bathe with a Nigerian bobo.
• You can cook whatever you want (as long as there is meat on the side) and won’t have to worry about allergies and dietary restrictions. Let’s face it how many Nigerians are vegetarians or vegans?  
• You can reminisce about secondary school days (maybe it’s just me but I love secondary school gist. It fascinates me). He’ll probably have different stories from yours since they all change with schools and locations.
• If you’re like me, you can let all your ethnic crazy come out.
• You don’t have to worry about racism but tribalism is another issue.

Oyibo Man

Advantages:

• He wants to learn everything about your culture. You might catch him on Google a few times reading up on what he can about your culture.
• You can make up anything you want about your culture (I’m not saying I've done it o but it is a huge possibility).
• Cooking for him is not your responsibility but a gift. He’s ever grateful you took time to cook. He’s not opposed to doing the dishes since you graciously cooked.
• You can go on tons of adventures (hiking, spur of the moment trips, kayaking and so on) it’s all dependent on the kind of girl you are.
• He’ll spoil you with attention and gifts. Valentine’s Day, Christmas and birthdays are super important. You’ll have more anniversaries than you ever dreamt possible (one week, one month, 3 months and so on).
• You’ll meet his family and friends very early in the game.
• He’ll find your accent cute and/or sexy. So when you slip up and say “they just caught a tief”, he’ll find your slip up cute (I hope).
• He’ll try at least one of your traditional meals and talk about it forever (Nigerian food is that awesome).
• He’ll make meals for you whether you’re tired or not. So get ready to throw out that ‘honey I’m too tired to cook' line.
• You could both pick up a new language so you speak something other than English. Learning a new language can be fun. I was picking up Spanish.
• You don’t have to worry about tribalism but racism is another issue.

Oya my fingers are aching. I’ll come back to you with the disadvantages of both guys next time. What? You thought I’d leave that out? Ha!

Later Alligator,

Tonia

Disclaimer: These are not generalizations of any kind. They may or may not apply to some people. 

P.S
We now have our unofficial official blog illustrator (dependent on family condition and sweet talking)!!! Thanks bro :)