My First Crush

Hello Bloggie!

Please don't be mad! Undoubtedly, I've been having some abandonment issues with you and I'm sorry. We're still waiting on my visa process and the anxiety has been killing me! I started having mini panic attacks and had to step back for a little while. We're still waiting but I'm a little more relaxed now. Gotta thank God for family and friends! :). I look forward to writing the end of my process more than anything. But that doesn't seem to be today.

Today, I thought I'd take you down memory lane with me. My friends and I (for some reason) were talking about our very first crushes (not counting the ones we were mean to in class when we were really little) and I want to share mine with you. Before I start, I would like to state that this was me in the past. Although, I think there are still traces of this crazy girl in me till today. I secretly love her :).

The age was 11 and puberty was indeed my friend. I had found the one for me. I could see myself as the future Mrs. and knew how many children we would have. He could do no wrong. He was perfect! As you can probably tell, I had it bad. Where did I meet my hunk of mine at the tender age of 11 you might ask. I'll tell you. We grew up together. We had been friends probably since I was born. He's 4 or 5 years older and that age gap was just right. I was in crush heaven. Growing up, I was always the only girl among the boys and you had to look closely to identify me. It probably didn't help that I wore low cuts and lost my earrings all the time. As you can imagine, that meant I was the butt of most jokes, I had to prove myself to the boys every day especially when playing video games (I couldn't always play duck hunt or play as Chun-Li in Street Fighter), I basically had to be super tough and plot all day long if I wanted to keep my spot in the group.

I'm not sure what point exactly I started crushing. But I remember respecting him because he was the only one who stood up for me in our group. He was the oldest amongst us so from time to time, the other boys would listen and let me be. I believe I read this as a sign that he cared about me (way more than he did). Of course he saw me as nothing but his little sister. Sigh. We went to different secondary schools (thank God! Else I would have been the overly jealous girl on campus) and would catch up during the holidays. No lie, I remember my mom buying me a shampoo one semester and it smelled just like him! I don't think I ever used it. I think I just sniffed it and was happy. Crazy right? During one of our holidays, he had the nerve (that's what I thought at the time) to announce that he had a girlfriend. Her name was Cynthia. Boy how I hated that name! I was I livid, jealous, and sad all at once. Once that relationship started, he didn't have time for me anymore. I would call and he would not be available. As you can imagine, I was super upset. That was until I discovered that if I called his house and said I was Cynthia, he was automatically available! I know it was sneaky but I guess I wasn't taking any chances. Plus, he couldn't take the chance that it wasn't really Cynthia so he always had to come to the phone. Oh the days of land lines :D.

That went on for a little bit and we became close again. He and Cynthia broke up a year later and I was his confidant through the long process of heartbreak. Then during one of our holidays, I went to visit. Somehow, that day made all the difference in our relationship. I no longer saw him through puppy eyes. He became a regular person that day. I was suddenly over him. Surprisingly, when I got home, he called and we talked for a while and I discovered that was the day he actually saw me! To think he only had his timing wrong. My off switch had been activated and refused to flip. After all the time mooning, waiting to be noticed, stalking, planting myself everywhere whenever possible, harassing my brother so we could go visit together (this was my way of seeing him), and keeping him on the phone for long hours, I caught my fish and let it go.

Our relationship never changed and we aren't out of each other's lives. I think we both silently acknowledged there used to be an attraction for either of us because I never confessed my part but I'm sure he knew. When my brother reads this, he'll know exactly who it was. Damn! Although, I'm guessing he knew at the time but we never actually discussed it.

There's my story. What's yours? What crazy stuff did you do/doing to get noticed by your crush?

Have a great day,
Tonia

Oh my gosh!! This is my lucky post! While typing this, I got the news that the first hurdle in my visa process has been jumped!!!!! Yay!!

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