Why You Should Date Yourself

Aloha Bloggie,

I recently had a deep conversation with a couple of guys and thought to share it with you. We were talking about why women and men need “me time”, “to date themselves”, “alone time” or whatever else you want to call it. Here’s how the conversation started…  

Guy1: My girlfriend says she wants “me time”. Why should she want that? And what exactly does it even mean? I mean what’s so wrong with us being together?

Guy2: I know right? Modern girls feel the need to have “me time”. Our mothers’ generation didn't have that. They spent their time with their family and were happy doing that.

Okay first of all, guy2 was on something extremely high. I wasn't at all sorry to burst his bubble. There hasn't been a generation where “me time” didn't exist. When your mom would go get her hair done without all her children, when she would go over to aunty xxx’s house, when she would go visit her sister, when she would attend parties, when both parents would go out together and leave the kids with aunts or maids… what did you think was going on? People taking out time from their partners shouldn't be seen as them loving their partners less instead it should be seen as them regrouping to bring something better to the table.

I've heard a lot of guys refer to this as a new thing. Well it isn't. It was just never called “me time” and the time was taken. Whether we’re single, in relationships or even married, the truth is we all need to catch up with ourselves at some point or we lose ourselves. If it is true that the only thing that is constant is change, why then do we assume that people will always remain the same?

Personally, I believe it’s a very important part of life. A part that if neglected is never a pretty sight in the end. Since I believe there are only advantages to dating yourself, I’ll tell you why I started this and how it has helped me.

In grad school, I was slowly losing my identity. I didn't take out time to try to figure myself out and just existed. Obviously there are some things I was very opposed to and wouldn't do. But in general, I was at an all-time low. I lost my composure, I was beginning to swear a lot, I was losing self-confidence and getting extremely better at feeling sorry for myself, I was drinking (not getting drunk but it was a lot), gaining weight and the list goes on. I had become a shadow of myself and had I not taken a breath, the end would not have been pretty. One day, I was going through my old emails and found a scholarship application I had written in undergrad. One sentence stayed with me and I read it over and over again.

“Being a diligent, promising and committed student, financially investing in me and my education will be an investment not only to the biology department, but also to the medical community as a whole.”

I couldn't believe I had written that! You see back in the day, I used to be all about facts. I wasn't being pigheaded and conceited when I wrote that. I just believed it to be true. That sentence made me sit down and think very hard about where I was and how my past self would rate me… not good. I decided enough was enough. I wasn't happy with myself so who could be happy with me? That’s when I started to do things just for me and damn the consequences. It’s not been an easy task but I decided until I could look in the mirror and love everything about me, I had to keep working on me. In dating myself, here are a few things that have improved:

• I've started to regain my confidence.
• I’m learning to have serious conversations again.
• I’m handling relationships better including the one with God.
• I’m cooking again and have greatly increased the number of dishes I can make.
• I've learnt how to braid, twist, cut and take care of my hair (in my opinion, I’m almost a professional… hair post still to come).
• I’m eating healthier and feel a whole lot better… more energized and relaxed.
• I’m becoming social again and trying not to over think steps before I take them.
• I've learnt what I want in a partner but most importantly, what I can give to a partner.
• I remembered I love to write and started Bloggie.

The list could go on. These are the things I said to both guys who started out offended by “me time”. While talking, they realized they took out time for themselves too but because they never gave it a title, it didn't feel the same.

It’s tough enough when you’re not married to lose yourself but the worst thing you can do is lose yourself in a marriage or a relationship. When you finally come to the realization that you don’t know who you are, you’ll probably be looking like the picture above (thanks bro!).

I've decided to always check in with myself as many times as is necessary to avoid unnecessary battles later. Perhaps you should do the same.

Odabo!

Tonia