Toasting (Wooing) 102: Google Wisely

Hey Bloggie,

I hope you’re coping well with the social distancing recommendations. Coronavirus has totally destabilized life as we knew it and I pray the end is near. My Lagosians are in their first week of isolation and as you know, we’re constantly socializing so this is a very trying reality capped with great income insecurities. May the souls we have lost rest in peace and may God see us through. It still feels very surreal.

Let’s pivot and gist a little. As you might remember from a long time ago, I wrote on the need for dating classes (here). Well, I didn’t think I’d need to write on a follow-up class but experience has shown me that I have room for another lesson(s). As you may have guessed from the title, this lesson will touch on the art of using Google.

And so it was that I met this guy who unknown to me, had decided that in the twinkle of an eye, we were going far enough for marriage all without me catching any feelings. But, I’m ahead of you. I’ll give you the gist about the other stuff later. E too plenty sef. During the first hangout, he took several opportunities to make it a point that he didn’t have much dating experience and I didn’t comment because I didn’t think we were on a date or even considering dating. We hadn’t said but a few sentences to each other before hanging out and because I love making new friends, I figured this was a newcomer in town who wanted to have some friends. Mistake number 1. After we were done hanging out which was nothing thrilling, he messaged me and asked me out. Instead of lying that I was seeing someone, I chose to say “I’d rather be friends first and see if anything develops.” Why? I don’t know. Lesson: Honesty is sha not always the best policy. Mistake number 2. Was I irritated by the move? Yes! Even more so because he again tried to blame it on inexperience to say that if seems inappropriate, he apologizes. If something seems inappropriate, you already know it’s inappropriate. I still believe he was trying to make sure I would blame inexperience for any yawa he was sure to produce. As per na him no know pass.

On to the second hangout. I thought since I had specifically said let’s be friends, we would enter this second hangout with a “let’s get to know each other” attitude. For where?! Homeboy was moving on as though I had agreed to be in a relationship. Then he starts to tell me that he had been replaying how he asked me out. That he couldn’t believe he asked me out in church and how that was so awkward, how he probably shouldn’t have sent the text messages since we had only hung out once, and lastly, how he was so inexperienced, he had to Google dating tips to talk to me. First, I hadn’t thought there was anything wrong with asking a fellow church member to hangout since I do it all the time. Mistake number 3. But he obviously thought he had asked me out on a date that first time and assumed he was seriously moving into boyfriend situation right after. I found this one out later when I was really paying attention and putting pieces together. But I digress. Since he mentioned that he used Google for his dating tips and obviously failed, I thought we could make searching for dating tips our second toasting class.

1.      Know your audience. If homeboy had searched properly, he would have searched for tips on dating Nigerian women. If nothing else, he would have learnt a little something about my country and that would have given us something to talk about. Since everyone is different, just searching for general dating tips might not be helpful as the recommendations aren’t always generalizable. If nothing else, narrowing his search would have shown him that Nigerians (men and women) are attracted to confidence and carriage. I did the search myself and found that information. I don give una tip 😃.

2.      Read articles written by your gender of interest. Who knows their dating expectations more than the gender you’re trying to impress? If there are available articles, read them and compare them to your gender’s perspective before drawing inference. You could merge the two perspectives and gain invaluable insights. After all, no be only one way them dey use toast person.

3.      Be aware of the personality you’re searching for. Homeboy obviously thinks that all women are the same and all ideas appeal to all women. If not, he would have tried to get to know me a little before relying wholly on his search results. Plus, if he had really been searching for tips on how guys should behave, I don’t know what idiotic article could have ever suggested asking someone out after one short hangout with no connection. Don’t worry he did other things I’ll tell you about later that makes me wonder what on earth he read (assuming he read anything).

4.      Don’t tell someone you searched the web to talk to them. While this one doesn’t help with web searches, I feel like it should have been an understood rule. Unless you’ve gotten to know each other well, there’s no need to start talking about this. I feel like you should reach a certain comfort level before discussing some things and this is one of them. The thing just no sweet for ear. Plus, if the person isn’t feeling your search results, they can only imagine how much worse you could have been without this “help.”

 I think this guy can greatly benefit from the tip I left in my 101 class sha but no be for my side e go know how far 😏. Class dismissed! Until we yan again. 

Welcome to this new Holy Week! Say a prayer for an end to this pandemic if you can. I've been jamming to Tamera Mann's version of "I Can Only Imagine" so that's our song of the week.

Stay safe and healthy!

Tonia