Woman Palava: Bad Market (Part 1)

Hey Bloggie,

I promised you horrid land last week and I am here to deliver. Strap in my darling! This one is all shades of gross. I’m going to combine the events of two hangouts so I can intensify the horror.

Since I didn’t learn enough after the last events I described (and partly because my friends said I was being harsh) and to the detriment of my mental health, I agreed to hangout with that guy again.  Where do I begin? Yes, we’ll start from the message exchange.

As I mentioned before, we go to the same church and I typically saw him during weekday mass. It had been about two weeks since he had come to mass and we hadn’t talked in that time. It so happened that Liz and I were talking and she asked about the fella. I mentioned that we hadn’t spoken and neither had I seen him in church so Liz coerced a promise from me to check on the boy if he didn’t show up for another week. Normally, I would check on a friend if they went MIA for a while and of course Liz knew that about me so she pressed on the fact that I wasn’t treating him like I treat my friends. One more week passed and I kept my promise and sent him a “hope you’re doing well” text to clear my own conscience. That led to him telling me that if I wanted to hangout, I should let him know. Satisfied in my achievement and gleefully texting Liz that I didn’t owe her, I wrote back “sounds good and you do the same.” Mistake #1. I should have not responded because, he launched into a speech about wanting to hangout and how he had left initiation up to me since he couldn’t tell if he was pushing things in a path I’m not interested in. I responded by telling him that we’re friends who don’t know much about each other (my way of reiterating that friendship status) and how I can sometimes come across as standoffish. Mistake #2. I guess he took that to mean that I was somehow interested in him because his response was to give me hangout options. WTH man?!

Since I had told him to let me know if he wanted to hangout also (darn manners!), I accepted that I had been caught on a technicality and owned it. Since it was cold out and I didn’t want him to take me out to dinner, I chose the cooking option. Here, he wrongly assumed that I would be cooking with him. Why? I don’t know. I specifically asked him what was on the menu and he threw out options. This is probably the only good thing I’ll write about him so here goes. The food (lentils) was actually good even though it totally lacked pepper. But no food is good enough to hide a lack of conversation or attraction. Since I lack a TV in my kitchen, this meant while he was at the stove, I was checking my phone.

Realizing that there wasn’t much being said, he mentioned that he had suggested activities that would allow us to talk and get to know each other. So I said, “if you had planned to talk, you must have had something on your mind so go ahead.” He said no and that he just wanted to talk. Since I had been carrying conversation the other time, I figured I would give him the chance to steer the conversation. Food is ready and we start to eat and now, I can’t check my phone anymore… manners again ☹. The conversation was still neither here nor there. It was more of a Q & A situation really. Here are the things I remember:

1.       He wanted to know how many relationships I had been in and why they ended because apparently, he wanted to know if I was disappointed they didn’t lead to marriage. Huh?

2.       He enquired about divorce stats in Nigeria and made a case for how marriage is in his country. Wetin concern agbero with overload? Nothing at all.

3.       He wanted to know if I would ever hide any financial decisions from my spouse and was alarmed at my response.

Everything else is a blur and timewasting. It didn’t look like he was going to say what was on his mind and it was late and I had plans for the next day so I started to give him hints to leave. Upon standing up to leave, he decided to ask what my stance was. I had just spoken to Tee before the hangout and going off man saying he’s naïve, she suggested I tell him what I had issues with. And she also mentioned that he might not yet be comfortable around me and to try to show him the way a little to see if he would catch on/improve before the final countdown. With this in mind, I jejely sat down and told him somethings that were off. I told him the basics and skipped the disturbing episodes (I’m sure this one is a mistake but I’ll let it slide). I let him know that it was weird that we didn’t talk other than to ask about a day to hangout and then to confirm such hangout. For example, the cooking thing was agreed upon Monday and I didn’t hear from him until he showed up at my door on Friday. We had never spoken on the phone and neither had there been any other type of communication. I told him I couldn’t see him every day just to have a conversation (he mentioned that he liked meeting in person). He then asked what I wanted him to do. I said nothing because it either flows or it doesn’t. Friendship shouldn’t be difficult. Even my cousins and I can chat for hours via text and they don’t want anything from me. Abi Yerimma? 😊

We ended with regardless of how things go, we should be friends. He seemed to finally realize that we were in the friendship stage and anything further would require some work. Since I already knew he didn’t want to be just friends, I thought I would see how his implementation would go and decided I would treat him a bit more like I treat my other friends. You know, show him how people communicate. Mistake #3. If only someone had told me not to bother myself o! Chai!😢

But we move on. I saw him out and when I came back home, realized he had touched my mints in the kitchen without asking. While I was annoyed at the over familiarity, I let it go. In part because I didn’t want to think that he might have planned to kiss me for any reason and especially not after the conversation we just had. Mistake #4.

This is where I’ll stop for now. Next week, we’ll take a deep dive into the horror of the next hangout that still makes me cringe. Don’t worry, he outdid himself.

This week, we’ll jam to Aṣa’s "Good Thing." Both song and video put me in great mood and I need all the mood boosters I can get.

Enjoy the rest of the week Bloggie!
Tonia