Gone Too Soon

 Hey Bloggie, 

Been a crazy past few weeks dealing with some family issues. In addition to that, my family suffered a loss last week. The moment Cesca text me: “did daddy tell you about Kekere?” my heart sank. Yet, I somehow found the courage to text back no and ask what had happened to her. Fearing the worst but hoping for the best, I awaited her response. Before her reply, I knew we had lost a dear one. 

When her reply came, the words I overheard in secondary school from my teachers when we lost a student echoed in my head… “no parent should ever have to bury their child.” Those words resonated with me so much this time. My aunt must do so and she has to do so with her 1 month old granddaughter who just lost her mom. You see, Keks (as I fondly shortened Kekere to) and I were pretty close growing up. Herself and her brother spent a lot of time with us and we almost always laughed. I don’t have a single memory of us fighting. She was always happy in her own way even when she was going through stuff. I don’t even think she ever yelled at me even once. She was older but for some reason, I nicknamed her ‘Kekere” and that name stuck. So much so that that’s mostly what my parents called her. Even her husband would come to know the nickname and its origin. I really wish I could remember why I called her that. She always called me her baby. 

We haven’t seen each other in years but that never changed my feelings towards her. She always found me at some point or another to check on me. We chatted last during Easter and I still teased her by calling her Keks. She just laughed and said "if I catch you." Her passing hit me even harder as I realized that when my spirit had been urging me to call her just the previous week, I should have listened. I would have been able to speak with her one last time. I spent most of last Monday drowning in tears and guilt for not calling her, for not knowing she was in hospital fighting for her life, for her newborn child who will only hear about how amazing her mom was, for her husband who has to both bear his loss and yet, think about his child, for her mom and her brother, for everyone. 

As I am learning, the more people you know and the older you get, the more likely you are to experience loss and birth. But absolutely nothing prepares you for the former. There’s no handbook you can read that will totally prepare you and neither do you suffer grief in the same manner. Losing Keks has made me reflect on how much I have taken life for granted. Postponing calls because I don’t have time but what if the time never comes again? Regret is a strong and painful thing that I would like to reduce in my life and I hope Keks knows that I am truly sorry for not being there for her in her time of need. 

Rest in Peace Keks. You will be missed. I can only imagine that you are now resting with God. This one's for you. 

Love you loads,
Your Baby