The I Miss You Scheme

Hey Bloggie!

Been a minute! My schedule has been uber packed since June. Between going to Nigeria for a few weeks (gist to follow), moving to a new place and unpacking/decorating, preparing for visitors and keeping afloat at work, some days I was unable to remember my name.

I thought I’d talk to you today about something that has been bothering me for a little bit – the I miss you blackmail. In my experience, the phrase “I miss you” must really be felt to be said. It’s not a phrase I have ever taken lightly and maybe, just maybe, the ignorance is mine. It’s among my top emotional statements that carry weight so I’ve always felt there should be something more to it than the words. You know, something miss-able that you’re expressing. Among my close friends and I, we show that we miss each other more than we say the words. When they are said, the speaker can always be trusted.

These days, I’ve noticed that the phrase starting to feel like emotional blackmail. As though people feel that saying it guarantees them unlimited access to your time and actions. For instance, a friend you don’t really hang out with exclaims they #missyou (with tons of exclamation points if via text or some other media) when you step out for a little bit. And after they’ve uttered these words, they want you to immediately say the same in the same manner. Not reciprocating their action can lead to fights or talks about you not caring and trying to make you feel bad. All of which can be a drawn-out process. Maybe I’m just super sensitive to emotional outbursts but when someone is always at a level 10 for every single emotion - they just come across as fake.

In my (thankfully) limited experience with such outbursts, simply asking “what did/do you miss about me?” has always been met with silence or “I said I missed you!” Which to me, is even more insulting. It gets worse when people say it at every (un)given opportunity because that is supposed to in some way make you see them as fantastic. If every conversation we have is filled with “I miss you” and our friendship is relatively new, plus we don’t know much about each other and you can’t tell me what you miss about me even once, then I know you’re checking a box with that nonsense. And please don’t vex when I express my own displeasure.

I’ve also witnessed people trying to avoid a real conversation by uttering the phrase. Instead of tackling a matter, especially one that requires them to take responsibility, they utter these words in the hopes that you’ll be deterred from the conversation at hand. Like really? I’ve just gotten so sick of the fakeness. Spare me the unnecessary drama/lies. Just be you and let me be me. Don’t say things because you think they’ll give you an upper hand when no legwork has been done.

In case I wasn’t clear, I’m not talking about romantic relationships. Although, I’m guessing this could also apply to those. Oh dear.

Now that that is off my chest, please enjoy this week’s jam – One Ticket by Kizz Daniels & Davido.

Have a great week,
Tonia