The Side Chic Experiences
The year was 2015 and I was in Naija for T's wedding. Quick catch up, T's married (yippee!) and we now have a little one :). I'll do a separate post to catch you up on my adventures with T while I was absent.
But I digress. The day after T's wedding, I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up. He was heading in my direction that evening so it made sense to go home together. First, traffic was hell that day! It took him over 2 hours just to get out of our residential area. He was going to drop my mom at the airport. Luckily, the airline allowed her check in even though the counter had closed when they arrived. I was so happy they let her through. Especially since they had both given up on going to the airport. By the time dad came to get me, it was at least 9 p.m.
When we were almost home, dad said he was hungry and wanted to eat something light. So I asked what we should get expecting him to say salad or a light snack. But my dad never disappoints and said pizza! After laughing my heart out, I told him it wasn't light and after much back and forth, we compromised with bread sticks and ice cream. He was going to have ice cream regardless. Dominoes and Cold Stone are in the same place so we stopped by. Unknown to me, my side chic experience began in the parking lot. The security guy opened the door for dad and when I came out of the car, he gave me a look. I didn't think too much about it and we went in. Because it was late, we were the only customers and so had everyone's full attention. While we were there, I told dad I'd get his treats and he said "nah, you'll need to take me to an expensive restaurant."😏 So we were talking and laughing as he was deciding on an ice cream flavour. Our audience didn't seem to care much for our banter.
After ordering, we sat and I was showing him my henna tattoos (on my hands) from the wedding. And that's when I really noticed it. The attendants were starring at me and giving me disapproving looks. Each time we talked and laughed, the looks intensified. It got worse when we called my mom and he handed me his phone. I guess I wasn't supposed to be overly friendly with an older man. They all thought I was my dad's #sidechic and I didn't know whether to laugh, be horrified or correct them😄. Everyone had assumed that the only thing that could be between an older man and younger girl was runs. Going back into the car nko? Security looked right through me as though to punish me and only opened the door for my dad. I just smiled and moved on. No be me you go fight.
As though that wasn't enough, two days later, judgement came to welcome me again. A family friend and I had to do an airport run. Trying to beat traffic, we left home early but as luck would have it, we didn't encounter any traffic and got to the airport more than an hour early. Since we couldn't go back home, we decided to go get drinks and chill at a bar close to the airport. Mistake number 1, the bar we went to was located in a hotel. The gatemen decided on the event that was to occur. They greeted 'oga' and ignored 'smallie.' I didn't even bother. To get to the sitting area, we had to walk by the front desk and I was again greeted by two faces of judgement. I laughed and told my family friend "they probably think we're here to book short time." He laughed it off and said no they can probably see that's not it.
Most definitely, our waitress took the cake for judgement and forwardness. She ignored me each time she came to the table but when he paid the bill and gave her a tip, she finally spoke to me. She whispered words I won't soon forget with a huge smile; "Aunty, please help me thank oga." At that, I laughed out loud. My family friend was confused and so I said "she thinks that my making you happy has earned her a tip and she's probably hoping that if we stay the night, I'll remember her!" 😄
Don't get me wrong, I've always known that the side chic hustle is overly real in Naija. But I didn't expect the blatant disregard for a female companion. While I found humour in it, I did feel a little slighted. Daughters, sisters, friends, in-laws, colleagues and wives don't have a look. You can't just see two people and be sure you know their lives. Even if you suspect, keep your suspicions and your judgments to yourself. Don't lose your job or get in trouble over something that doesn't concern you. Worse, your assumptions aren't always fact.
And there's the other side of the coin. These are probably the people who have seen a ton of side chic/guy hustles to the point of not being able to stomach it anymore or they have been taught to only attend to oga or they strongly believe that men and women have to have something to be out. Whatever the case, it was an eye opener for me. I have a lot of men in my life (family, mentors, friends, colleagues, etc.) and I'm used to people assuming there's always something between my male friends and I (and on two disturbing occasions, people thought I was dating my cousin) but I had never extrapolated those views to the older men in my life. I guess at some point, it'll be the younger men in my lives and I'll still be the one receiving judgement. There's no winning here. Sigh.
On what I hope is a lighter note, writing about dad's "something light" reminded me of Falz's song with the same name. Enjoy!
Have a great week!
Tonia
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